White men dating black
Statements like "no fats or fems" or "no Blacks or Asians" litter profiles in hookup communities on Grindr, Jack'd, and similar platforms.
Thankfully, marginalized queer communities have started to call out those hurtful comments as acts of discrimination rather than statements of preference.
Could we all be perpetuating internalized racism by consciously, or even unconsciously, excluding Black men and other men of color as romantic prospects?
And in doing that, are we only reinforcing the politics of desire that deem Black people less attractive?
When I read a recent essay by Michael Arceneaux, his words hit me hard.
He questioned why Black men in particular want so desperately to be acknowledged as desirable by white men who have no interest in dating outside their race.
A friend of mine, who is Latino, once asked why I didn't approach Black men in bars.He wrote, "As Black men, we need to value ourselves so much that no outside force, no prejudice — even one guised as preference — can make us feel second place." Clearly, this dialogue wasn’t only happening in my head.A larger conversation about the racist, fat-phobic, and misogynist language of gay dating apps has also begun, which has allowed me to see that my dating prospects may also be a result of problematic societal messaging.But the older I get, the more I find myself wanting a partner who can relate to me without needing to be taught.I’ve become increasingly drawn to the concept of Black love, which celebrates Black couples and affirms Black pride within relationships, and I eventually want to experience this.
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My understanding of relationships is developing, as is my knowledge of race, but I’m still unpacking how my sexuality really relates to my Blackness.